Getting Your Boyfriend Back After Being Dumped

Question:

My boyfriend and I broke up and I was Ok at first. But as time has passes I realize how much I miss him and how good we were together. Is there anything I can do to get his attention and win him back?

Answer:

That's a great question and you'd be surprised how often this situation occurs. Either way it doesn't matter how the relationship ended or who ended it, emotions are going to be high. Try not to worry too much about the way you're feeling now because it's completely normal given your present situation.

However, before you go and try to win him back you need to be mindful of the fact that your emotions could make or break your chances at getting back together with your ex boyfriend. Unfortunately as we go through life, there are no courses in school offered to us on how to deal with a break up.

Often times we stumble around in the dark and hope we get it right. Having said that, I have good news for you. The best way to get your boyfriend back is to develop a simple blueprint and stick to it and I've got a 3 step action plan outlined for you below:

Getting Your Boyfriend Back After Being Dumped

Step 1- Time Apart

The first part of your plan involves giving your ex time and space away from you and the drama of the break up. This is called the no contact rule. The reason that this is the first and most important rule is because it allows you to reflect on your relationship with him while at the same time giving your ex boyfriend the appearance that you're doing just fine without him.

I know you're thinking I'm crazy. However, the point to this exercise is to show him that you can survive without him and start to make him second guess his decision to break up with you.

Get more details about the no contact rule here

Step 2- Comfort

Get involved in your family and friends lives again and reconnect with people you may have otherwise lost touch with, but at the same time refrain from unloading all your relationship problems on them. Take the time to talk freely with them and accept their support, sympathy and advice for you.

Now this part isn't really part of your plan, but you should take the opportunity to ask them if there was anything, in their opinion, that lead to the demise of your relationship. Just be careful though. If they hated your ex then expect most of the blame to be placed on him.

However, if they liked him you could find yourself taking the brunt of the blame. You're likely to hear some things that maybe you couldn't see before but now you can because you can step back and look at things in a different light.

Either way you need to take some time and reflect on your past relationship. It's important, during your reflection, to strip the emotion out of everything and look at your relationship objectively.

Step 3-Communication

When it comes time to talk to your ex boyfriend, let him make the first move. Take it slow and easy at first so you don't come off as desperate and needy. Keep the conversation light and don't bring up the past. If you want to talk about your relationship and what went wrong, it's best that you wait a while.

If you follow the no contact rule correctly there's no need for you to bring up the issue about getting back together because he'll do it all on his own. In fact he'll be dying to get back together with you because he thinks he made a mistake in breaking up with you. If you take anything away, let it be this: the less effort you put in now, the less you'll need to do later.

You can't expect to get your ex boyfriend back without a gameplan anymore than you can expect to sail a ship without a sail.

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