Rebuilding Honesty And Trust After Your Husband Cheats

Have you been suffering through a storm of lies and deceit in your marriage? Are you wondering, at this moment, whether or not you can trust what your husband is telling you about where he is, who he's with, or what he's doing? If so, then you've probably realized one important truth about relationships:

I think it's safe to say that honesty and integrity are just as important as love is in a marriage these days.

It's true. I know a lot of people out there will tell you that a relationship can't exist without love; that love is the foundation of a good marriage. And I would agree. But sometimes people who focus exclusively on the importance of love overlook how critical honesty and trust are in a relationship.

Think of it this way: If your relationship were a house, and love were the foundation, honesty and trust would be like the walls and roof.

Needless to say if you only have a house with a base and no roof and walls it's only a matter of time before things fall apart. The same is true for your relationship, if you don't have honesty and trust then eventually you won't have intimacy and love.

Deciet has no place in a marriage. It rips apart the walls of honesty and destroys the roof of trust and once the damage is done the only thing you're left with is the remains of a marriage that is standing on the foundation of love...assuming that it's solid enough.

Does this describe your situation. Has your marriage been ripped apart because your husband lied to you?

Are you wondering if your marriage can survive the detestation and if you can rebuild the walls and roof that used to be there?

If you answered 'yes' I want to tell you that there's hope for you and that you can rebuild the walls of trust and the roof of honesty in your marriage. However if you're going to do this you need the right tools for the job and I've got the most important one for you.

I want to share that information with you and introduce you to this special tool now so you can begin the work of rebuilding your relationship.

The first thing you need to know is that both you AND your partner need to be fully committed to your relationship and to the work it will take to rebuild your marriage if you are going to save it.

I know that may seem scary. If your partner has just revealed that he or she has been lying to you, it may be hard to believe that your partner could be truly committed to your relationship.

What's more, you may be wondering how much you want to commit to a relationship with someone who has betrayed you so completely.

The person you love and trust most in the world lied to you. Now you probably question your spouse's commitment as well as your own investment in your relationship.

But before you decide to give up on your marriage and before you begin to believe that your partner is not committed or could not be committed to you and your marriage, I suggest you do the work needed to make your marriage as good as it can be. Then you can make a meaningful choice about whether or not it's something you wish to keep.

When you're blinded by the storm of lies and deceit, it may start to look as though your whole marriage is a complete wreck. You may start to believe that your partner "lies to you about everything," or that you "can't trust her one single bit."

In the midst of everything that's happened to you it's hard to imagine your marriage being tetter than it was before the affair and you probably won't have much appetite to save it, but don't give up.

As the storm passes you will likely find that there are some parts of your marriage that still work fairly well. It's true that in some cases it doesn't work out this way. There are some storms that are so damaging you simply can't rebuild the home you once had; you can't recover from the trauma and rebuild your relationship.

On the other hand there are cases where there are still parts of the relationship that are worthwhile. There are some walls that are still standing. There are some parts of your spouse that you still love. There are areas where you do trust your partner. He or she probably isn't lying to you about everything.

With some guidance you will figure out which parts of your relationship already work, and which parts you will work on. This is a key to rebuilding your marriage.

But you probably can't do this yourself. It takes both of you actively engaged in your relationship and the act of saving it from the trauma you have endured to turn it into the wonderful relationship you have always dreamed of.

Though you may be far from that goal right now, don't give in to despair. Your relationship is like a diamond in the mud. Though it may be dirty and dull at this moment, it's still a diamond. You wouldn't walk away from a diamond buried in the mud without picking it up, cleaning it off, and assessing its value.

You should give your relationship the same opportunity. Remember, the person you are married to is someone you were once willing to make a lifelong commitment to. That isn't to be taken lightly.

You BOTH have to work on your marriage if you are going to get past this. But you can do it, if both of you are fully committed.

Assuming that both of you are fully committed to making your relationship the best relationship it can be, the second thing you need to understand is that the partner who has lied or cheated is primarily responsible for the work necessary to rebuild the trust and honesty in your marriage.

People often ask me, "How can I make my partner tell me the truth? How can I make it so that I'm 100% sure he won't lie to me again?"

The truth is that you can't. There's no way to make someone tell you the truth. You can't control another human being, and you probably won't be a good lie detector.

,Research has shown that even professionals who are supposed to be experts in detecting lies (like counselors, judges, and police) are no better than chance at determining whether or not someone is lying to them. There is highly specialized and expensive training to learn to be a human lie detector, but few people have the resources or desire to seek out this training: even professionals rarely pursue it.

You can't expect yourself to be a better lie detector than the professionals, can you?

Given that, there is a way you may get to a place where you are pretty sure that your partner isn't lying to you. No matter what you feel inside, you can never predict with 100% certainty if your spouse is telling the truth-you couldn't do it before, and you can't do it now. You may have felt certain that you could make such a prediction, and you may feel that way again.

To get to this place, the lying or cheating partner has to take some action that will make it possible for you to trust him or her again. In fact, there is one special tool your partner can employ to make it so that you begin to fully trust him or her once more.

This tool will help you rebuild the wall of honesty and the roof of trust in your relationship. It's called transparency.

There are two definitions for the word "transparent" that, when put together, give you a powerful concept that will help you rebuild the honesty and trust in your marriage. Let's look at those definitions.

Transparent: 1. Fine or sheer enough to be seen through; 2. Free from pretense or deceit.

If you're the lying or cheating partner, you should be aware that you can't rebuild the honesty and trust in your marriage by simply telling your partner that you're sorry and that you'll never lie again (though these are important elements in the healing process). You need to take action. You need to demonstrate that you are being honest and that you deserve to be trusted.

The way to do this is by becoming transparent. You should begin to act in such a way that your spouse can almost "see through" your actions and know that you aren't lying again.

You need to become absolutely free of pretense and deceit. And you need to demonstrate this to your partner.

Learn how to More Information after he cheats